I am not retarded

I wrote this when Yi was 5 years old, back in 2018. Want to share more broadly to increase awareness and help other parents who run into similar situations.

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I am not retarded. I’m not misbehaving. I have autism, which makes it hard for me to control my body and the impulsive behaviors that come with it.

Finally this happened to me and my 5-year old son, Yi.

Sunday, at farmer’s market, an old man turned around and yelled at me: “Tell your retarded son not to scream behind my back!”

“This is not the language you say to a child.” (actually not to anyone!) I said.

He was trying to say something. An old lady nearby was shocked and told him: “You’re so rude.”

He was still trying to say something. I looked him in the eyes: “You should be ashamed of yourself!” and walked away with Yi.

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If this happed one or two years earlier, I would probably not able to find the right languages to respond at the moment. Then go home feeling sad, mad, crying, feeling hopeless, and get depressed... Over the years, I’ve learned to not make this about me and my child, but the person who has no empathy and low tolerance.

Yi probably did not hear what he said. I can’t help but thinking: what can I do to help him prepare for people like this? How can I teach him how to defend himself when I’m not around?

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If you have read this far, I’d like you to help spread this:

Do not assume a child is misbehaving or that there’s bad parenting when you see something that makes you shake your head. Some disability is invisible, like autism.

If you witness someone being bullied, please help stand next to them and show support. I’m tough enough now to not feel hurt at that moment. Some could feel extremely vulnerable and it could be devastating.

We can’t change how certain people behave in situations like this. We can help show support to those who get bullied and minimize the hurtful feeling.